we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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