Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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