that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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