I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
