Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
