I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
