Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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