Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
