i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
