I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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