Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
where are you?
Hypothermia
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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