thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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