I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it because I queefed?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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