Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ate ashes out of my bong
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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