when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
