There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
