Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
