They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
