yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
