bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
