Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
