Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize