Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
