I think I am morally bankrupt
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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