i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How naked do you want me to be?
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