wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
