She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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