life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want nice things and good sex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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