i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
