Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
