I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
