i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
