she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize