The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
