He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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