dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
