naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
