Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize