Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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