Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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