Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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