I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
