try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize