So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
