I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
