Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
