you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
