Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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