got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
