Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
