Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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