We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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