I can text with my tongue
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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