I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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