I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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