It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Alive.
So much puke
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize