Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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