a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
