Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize