Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
