I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize