I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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