There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize