Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You left your underwear on the fireplace
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
