party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
