I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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