whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
